Writing Prompt #16, secret to coolness

The penultimate entry in Sam's summer school journal:

If I could change my name, I would change it to Donald Duck because of my middle name and it sounds very cool. Donald Duck turns out to be a cartoon, but he is erasable! -- July 22, 2002

From "How to Draw Guide," learn to draw Donald Duck. 

Overheard in the Wolfe House #181

Peggy: Hey, Sam, why don't you help out here and dry some silverware? I don't have room for one more piece in the rack.
Sam: Ok.
(sometime later) I don't have to do all. I can just do enough that you have more room.
Peggy: Well, that's true. But if you want to do the minimum, then just dry the big cooking and serving spoons. You'll be done after just two or three pieces, then.
Sam: I'm afraid I'm just picking random pieces of silverware.

What Big Girls Are Made Of

Last weekend, my grandmother celebrated her 90th birthday. We sent her a pop-up card. My mother and dad were able to go back to Milwaukee for the fun.

My grandmother and grandfather spent a good part of their retirement crafting and selling their little creations at shows in shopping malls. I have quite a few things they made. My grandfather did a lot of small woodwork. I have a spice rack and most of the wooden toys he made, although they have seen a lot of wear and tear, especially a pull toy that Sam drug around the back patio as toddler in California until it fell apart.

A lesser toy, made of plastic, would have never withstood what Grandpa made.

This is unlike my father, who excels at creating furniture -- I have seven or eight pieces that he built or rehabbed for us -- he had enough of the small work crafting crowns and bridges and filling people's teeth, I think. But I digress.

My grandmother made hundreds of counted cross-stitch pieces. I have some Christmas ornaments, and this little hanging piece that has always hung with on the key rack with the house and car keys.


"Home is where you hang your heart."

That's my grandmother. Only recently, did I start really looking at what else grandma hangs on the key rack besides her heart.

Dang, grandma, you've got a set of boxing gloves, a set of shoulder pads, and a pair of nunchucks hanging there.

No wonder you're living so long.

Happy Birthday, Grandma!

Explaining the Unexplainable

Throughout Sam's life, the things he's needed to learn had to be taught directly. You cannot imagine how important learning from context is until you are confronted with the inefficiency of hours and hours and hours of direct teaching.

As Sam has grown, he's learned to generalize. He's picked up more from context -- but he had to be taught how to do that, too. Taught to imitate, taught to read context, taught to recognize idioms, taught to generalize.

I get tired just thinking about it.

Now, Sam is struggling mightily with a new problem. And I have to figure out how to explain what civil rights are. Do you know how often we toss out that phrase and we have no idea what it means?

That violates my civil rights.

Read him his rights.

They marched for civil rights.

Google it yourself, and see what a mess you get. Dear readers, can you help?

When a test is a barrier

Sam is taking two online classes this fall, one in word processing, another in spreadsheets. I've written before about the requirements he needs to "upgrade" from a certificate to an associate's degree in computer technology. He's just four classes away. It's very exciting.

Both of this fall's classes are in another department at the community college, and both required him to thoroughly read the syllabus and take a quiz over its contents. The students have to get a 100 on the quiz (they have unlimited attempts) before they can start the class. In a way, its a brilliant way to underscore the importance of reading and understanding the course requirements. In some of the larger lecture classes I've seen, professors spend the first day of class reading the syllabus to the students. And I've seen students drop once they realize the expectations.

Sam sailed through the syllabus quiz for one class but not the other. We're not quite sure what has happened -- we suspect, actually, there is a scoring problem -- but it is yet to be resolved. I sat with him yesterday as he tried, again and again and again and again, to secure that perfect score. Before I helped him devise some evaluation strategies, he had no idea how to figure out what he was doing wrong.

It was like being thrown into the ocean with no clue where to swim to safety. You can imagine how wild and panicked a person's thinking might get. And then, when you consider the true stakes how angry you could get.

He can't get the keys to the rest of the online kingdom of the class until he does. An email to the professor about the problem has brought only the suggestion that he drop the class.

And that brings me to the point of this post -- there is testing and then there are barriers.

When I was in junior high school, a gymnastics unit was added to our curriculum, probably in part because of the wildly popular Olga Korbut and the amazing things she did at the 1972 Olympics.

I saved those Seventeen magazine pages with a story and photo about her for ages.

Our instruction was pathetic. Our teacher couldn't do any of the moves, and was continually recruiting a student to demonstrate a move to the others (with that student likely demonstrating that move to the teacher for the first time about 90 seconds earlier.)

Once "demonstrated," we could practice on the equipment, serving as spotters for each other. At the end of the unit, we had to perform the different moves for our grade. We were scored on our ability to do the moves -- nothing about the rhythm and composition of a routine, our body poise, or other criteria used to evaluate a gymnast.

The test was sequential and, theoretically, based on difficulty. Our teacher had no idea what was a hard move and what was easy, in my opinion. But, you couldn't test for a B if you couldn't do all the moves needed for a C.

Because I couldn't go from a crouch on the beam to a standing position using only one leg -- a "C" level move -- I was not allowed to test for any other grade levels, even though I'd been working on all of them, as were my classmates, for six weeks.

Lots of girls didn't get the grade they deserved for having taught themselves gymnastics.

That's not instruction, and that's not testing, so don't make like its the bar exam.

Probably Not Probable Cause

Sam started asking me a lot of questions about when might a police officer pull you over, so many that I asked him whether he got pulled over recently.

He had. In Flower Mound.

As far as I can deduce, he got pulled over because the kind of car he was driving and his license plate closely matched someone the police were looking for.

And what was the probable cause, you ask?

Sam still has a frame around his license plate.

He wondered if his identity had been stolen and whether he should turn his car in. We had a long talk about first amendment rights, and private property rights, and who the police work for. I have no idea how much of that sank in.

But tomorrow, we'll pull the frame off the plate.

Out Like a Lion

Sam got sidetracked with his plans to write an app for iPhone that restores some contact-sorting features he used to have on his Nokia.

Sam works on an old Dell a dear friend gave us, so any app work is going to happen on my Mac. He started amassing the resources he needed and then came to me to say the final step was this: we need to upgrade to Lion OS.

I consented to this upgrade without asking probing questions -- completely, utterly stupid on my part.

Ever since I got my first Mac in 1988 and we made the leap to System 7, I've known it's never simple. System upgrades are like taking off down the autobahn without tying down a bunch of your stuff in the back of the pick-up.

(My mind is in funny loop just now, imagining pick-up trucks on the autobahn racing past Benzes and Beemers.)

What flew out of the Wolfe family pick-up, you ask?

All my financial records (yes, Intuit let the weenies rule over Quicken). Sam's amazing fixes for our family computer network -- including a peripheral switch for our printer and our portable back-up drive. The entire Microsoft Office suite.

I sooooo knew better.

Major backtracking today.

But I'm proud of Sam. He downloaded Open Office. That's fixed. And knowing Sam, we'll be true contributors to the community.

Then, we pulled the Quicken data off portable back-up and he's going to use Paige's laptop to help me convert to iBank. That should be fixed tomorrow.

Right now, he's writing the manufacturers of that peripheral equipment and asking for patches.

See Sam Go.

Overheard in the Wolfe House #115

Peggy: With all the traveling and time out of the house I've had, I've missed you.
Sam: Well, get used to it.

Expert Consultation Coming

I hope.

The ARC sent me a link to a website that is supposed provide self-help for adults with autism in the work force, called JobTIPS.

I asked Sam to take a look at it. Some of the pages are about interacting with the supervisor and how to keep a job, so it applies.

I think it looks good and the information is helpful, and clearly presented.

He said he'd take a look at it this weekend and let me know what he thought -- I'm hoping to blog it.

Stay tuned.

Getting By With A Little Help From Our Friends

After my public whine about DARS, a few friends reached out with unexpected and much appreciated offers. Sam seized on them both, forwarding a resume to one and securing an interview with another.

I accompanied him to the interview, in part because I wanted to see my old friend, but also because she asked that I be there.

My friend runs a company started by her late husband assembling circuit boards. I'm sure there is nothing in "What Color is Your Parachute" or any of the other how-to-get-a-job-books about bringing your mom along, but that's how we roll.

Sam and my friend communicated just fine together. They are both straight shooters. She gave him a tour and checked his ability to do some of the fine motor work. Then she told him she would work around his Albertsons schedule for now. Very classy. If it doesn't work out, there is an easy retreat for both of them.

But I have to say, at the end of the interview, when she asked about another task altogether -- helping her link up some kind of time clock hardware to her current accounting software -- I saw a huge spark in Sam's eyes.

Just a bit more at NCTC

The vice president for student services bent Sam's ear at a graduation reception for NCTC's TRIO students earlier this month, and convinced him that an associate's degree was within his grasp.

Sam had given up a few years ago and started pursuing the certificate, rather than a full degree, after he took American Government (more on that in a minute).

We learned that he no longer needs American Government to get the associate's degree. NCTC has since changed its core class requirements and the history class he took fulfills that humanities requirement.

Just a few more computer classes, probably all online, and he can file for the associate's degree. In Texas, that degree is some serious higher education currency. With it, he can transfer all 30 hours to any public, 4-year institution and be halfway to a bachelor's degree.

And that might mean something some day.

I was devastated when he made that run at American Government two summers ago, because it was the last non-computer class -- the last real hurdle -- to an associate's degree. Similar to college algebra and one of his other core classes, I thought he would take it all the way through to the last possible day to drop, drop the class, and try again.

It's not the best way to go at a class, I suppose, but it worked for Sam.

When he got to the last day and dropped, I asked him when he would take another swing at American Government.

Came his answer: "I don't care how many times I take American Government, Mom, I'll never understand it."

Amen to that, Sam. Amen to that.

The Best Accommodation

I asked Sam tonight about a test he'll be taking tomorrow in his computer tech security class. When he first started at North Central Texas College in 2006, he would often retreat to their student success office to take any test. He needed the quiet room, free of distractions, and the extra time, to get it done.

But the past few years, I've noticed Sam working diligently through test study guides. Now, these guides are often long -- perhaps 50 questions or more, clearly pulled from past tests, possibly on the upcoming test.

Sam works through them all methodically. He looks up the answer in the book or his notes and types it out in complete sentences on a virtual piece of paper. He puts in several hours each time he prepares. And he rarely does poorly on any test he takes any more.

I was curious whether he was going back to the student success center to take the test and Sam said no, he doesn't need that accommodation much any more, especially if a professor can accommodate him another way.

I was a little sketchy on what that detail might be, but Sam has learned to advocate for himself and the professors there at NCTC have come to understand him, too.

I asked him whether he thought those study guides were a good thing. He said they were the best accommodation of all. Once he answered something from the guide, it was "in my head for good," he said.

I wondered about all those students who might see a 50-question guide, skim it, and say to themselves, "oh, I know all these answers." I know I was one of those kind of students in my day. I got away with not going fully into the corners as I learned things, something I do not do anymore. I got bit one too many times in my life by not quite knowing what I should know.

Most of the time, all that is required is a full, careful reading of the material. And then it's in my brain for good, too -- or at least enough that I know it exists and where to find it again.

He said the funniest thing at the end of our little exchange.

"I don't need many accommodations any more. I feel I'm fully grown up now."

Cutting, pasting, passing it on ...

From The ARC

The Screening Room – Critics Choice
Facilitated by Charlene Comstock-Galagan
Friday – March 25, 2011
9:00 am – 11:00 am
Location: To Be Determined

Join Charlene for a thought provoking discussion and screening of the latest and greatest
visual media and their deepest messages about inclusion and the meaning of belonging in
the 21st century. March is ID/DD Awareness Month. You don’t want to miss this opportunity!

Special Education – The ARD/IEP Process
Presenter: Charlene Comstock-Galagan
Friday – March 25, 2011
12:30 pm – 4:00 pm
Tarrant County – Specific Location: To Be Determined

Determining the special education services for a child/student is done through a strategic,
step-by step planning process. A process that crumbles if the foundation is cracked, a
critical step in planning is missed or out of order, or planning takes place without thoughtful
discussions based on the individual needs of a child/student.

DON’T MISS THIS OPPORTUNITY!

Charlene will review the ARD/IEP Planning process and share tools and strategies that
have produced positive outcomes for students who have an Individualized Education Program - IEP.

· The ARD/IEP agenda

· The purpose of assessment beyond eligibility

· Integrated and measurable goals and objectives

· Modifications & accommodations (across school settings)

· Supports for or on behalf of the student

· Placement decisions using a Planning Matrix

· Prior Written Notice… and more!



Employment For ALL – 2 Sessions (Customized Employment & Discovery, The Process)

Session 1: Customized Employment, an Overview
Presenter: Michael Callahan, International Consultant on Employment & Transition
Saturday – April 2, 2011
9:00 am – Noon
Location: To Be Determined

DON’T MISS THIS OPPORTUNITY! Participants will leave inspired and empowered with information
and strategies that make employment a viable option for persons once thought to be unemployable.

Session 2: Discovery, the Process
Presenter: Michael Callahan, International Consultant on Employment & Transition
Saturday – April 2, 2011
1:00 pm - 4:00 pm
Location: To Be Determined

The Discovery Process is a strategy used as a substitute to comparison-based testing procedures
in that it utilizes already-existing information rather than information developed through formal
assessment methods. It takes into account the applicant's entire life experiences rather than single
instances of performance.

DON’T MISS THIS OPPORTUNITY! Mr. Callahan will review steps need to complete the discovery
process. An interactive process that allows the provider to get to know the applicant and to assist
in identifying personalized preferences and conditions for employment as well as individual
contributions to be offered to employers.

Person Centered Thinking & Plan Facilitation
Presenters: Laura Buckner, M.Ed., LPC - University of Texas Austin & Jeff Garrison-Tate, M. Ed. Texas A&M University
May 9 -10, 2011 ▪ 9:00 – 4:00 │ Person Centered Thinking
May 11 – 12, 2011 ▪ 9:00 – 4:00 │ Plan Facilitation (Prerequisite – Completion of Person Centered Thinking)
Both 2 day sessions will be held at TCU – Dee Kelly Alumni & Visitors Center – Ft. Worth
2820 Stadium Drive – Ft. Worth, Texas 76109
Space is limited & registration is required!

For additional information about the sessions above, please refer to the attached fliers.
If unable to open the fliers please visit: www.arcnetc.org.

Overheard in the Wolfe House #56

Sam: Look, Mom.
Peggy: What is it?
Sam: It's my tolltag. I got it today.
Peggy: Yay you.
Sam: Yes, Air Five.

When Baby Birds Fly

Earlier this week, the boys and I drove to Plano. We checked the route to SMU in Plano.

(We did some other cool stuff, like eat a terrific lunch at Whiskey Cake Kitchen Cafe, and buy some shirting fabric to make Michael two more custom dress shirts ... his mother is his secret tailor.)

But SMU in Plano is home to the place where Sam is hoping to do his internship this spring.

Some dedicated parents and professionals have started nonPareil.institute, a computer workgroup for young adults on the autism spectrum. Sam wants to volunteer as part of a practicum he needs to complete his computer technology certificate at North Central Texas College.

We've been taking this whole thing in baby steps. It has been extraordinarily difficult to find help in searching for an internship for him. First of all, state resources meant to help ... major vacuum there.

The college isn't quite yet set up to assist students like Sam in the search -- in the past, they have had their hands full just managing and approving the opportunities students found for themselves. Hopefully, that will change as the program grows and matures at the Corinth and Flower Mound campuses.

Job fairs at nearby UNT? For UNT students only ... no sharing. I suggest renegotiating boundaries there -- just like they've done with scores of other resources college kids need to succeed.

A friend in the computer business heroically, graciously did a little bit of legwork for us, enough for us to understand that Sam couldn't just walk into the door of a company and offer himself for a computer hardware tech internship. He would have to find out who the vendor was that provided the service and take it from there.

Holy cow. That seemed like asking someone to find out who brings the bagel cart every morning and then finding out if they'll let him arrange the cream cheeses before the carts head out the door every morning.

I think. I don't know. Computer tech isn't my world. My world is "content creation."

But, as luck and Divine Intervention would have it, someone caught a presentation by the nonPareil people at an autism conference and they passed the materials on to me. I shared with NCTC, an advisor at NCTC reached out, and finding the waters warm, on Tuesday, we drove there and walked around the building to get a vibe.

No people vibes, just driving and building vibes.

As I said, baby steps.

That was enough to get Sam pretty jazzed. He called the director and left a message. And applied for a tolltag.

That just about made me weep. I was girding myself for driving him there two times a week. But Sam says, "I can make that drive. I like this area. I could even get an apartment here."

I reminded him that internships don't pay, and the rent at Chez Wolfe can't be beat. Especially at the SO NY Lofts at Tennyson and the Tollway.

Baby steps, son. Baby steps.

Emotional IQ

Sam and I had the most amazing exchange this morning, one that belongs in some kind of magazine about how mature people should deal with powerful emotions.

First, you've got to set a stage for two people completely, utterly and totally misunderstanding each other. We'd both just gotten up -- and neither of us are morning people. Plus, I had had only a sip or two of the morning joe, so that's two strikes against me.

Sam was opening a vitamin jar to get a tablet out and suddenly it just flew from his hand and rolled on the floor. I didn't see any of this. I just heard him yell "OH!" so loud adrenaline rushed to my nerve endings, so full and fast that it hurt my fingertips.

I thought my reaction was amazingly calm, considering. I turned around, puzzled that nothing seemed to be wrong, and said, "Don't yell so loud in the house."

That upset Sam terribly. He left the room.

A few minutes later, he told me that my comment made him feel like a little kid again and brought back bad childhood memories. That brought tears to my eyes. I tried to apologize for the comment, but Sam said we shouldn't talk about it anymore, since it was about to make me cry.

I told him no, please, I welcomed the chance to say I'm sorry not only for hurting his feelings today, but also for any bad childhood memories and we could talk a little more if he wanted.

Sam said he remembered misbehaving, and it was in the past and it could stay in the past. I told him I thought that was very mature.

Then I said, you know, I didn't know why you yelled so loud. I thought I needed to call 911 or something. He explained what happened, I told him I understood now why he yelled, and then he said he understood why I felt like I needed to say something about the yelling.

What Sam brought to the conversation that was so amazing was believing me when I said I loved him and never wanted to hurt him. That was part of my apology. I told him that it's important to me to stick up for myself, and I've noticed that when someone sticks up for themselves, it can be hard to do without hurting the other person sometimes.

The whole conversation took all of 10 minutes and brought me such a sense of wonderment. I'm still trying to figure out where this supposed lack of social understanding comes from in people with autism. Sam is so clear-eyed and clear-headed. His father and I could not have had such a conversation early in our marriage. Even later in our marriage, it would take two hours to wade through all the emotional thicket to get to the same place.

I think it's the opposite. I think the rest of us lack emotional intelligence. We play stupid mental games with each other, and we don't trust each other.

When Sam doesn't trust someone, he just doesn't deal with them at all. How smart is that?

Any girl would be lucky to have him.

Wisdom matters

There's been chatter among researchers about the benefit of wisdom in their work -- the balancing of your own interests, with the interests of others, and the interests of the community (even God, or the environment).

I think it's kind of funny that the new thing isn't the latest, greatest technique or protocol, but this old thing called wisdom.

Now that I'm 50, of course, I understand the implications much more than when I was a desperate young mom of 27. Creativity matters still, but I've learned to fold other considerations when figuring out what it takes to solve a problem or make progress on a project.

Especially when it comes to supporting my kids as they launch their own lives.

I'm not talking about a "been there, done that" attitude, or excess skepticism, either, but a vigorous way of seeing things fresh, without throwing away all that you've learned so far. There really is no place to stand except on the shoulders of the people who've come before you.

What wisdom can I give Sam and his support team as he makes this transition from school-to-work? Much of that wisdom is already his, perhaps its better for me to help him see it in himself. Really, how is it different than the support Michael needs, or Paige for that matter? Except that Sam might have a little more trouble than most of us at deciphering the social codes of the "job hunt."

I think it's time to pick up a fresh edition of What Color is Your Parachute? and reacquaint myself with that old wisdom.

Overheard in the Wolfe House #33

Sam: What are you doing tomorrow?
Peggy: During the day -- not much.
Sam: I get home from work at 2:30. What will you be doing then?
Peggy: Probably outside working in the yard.
Sam: I want to show you Reality Check.
Peggy: Okay.
Sam: It's time. It's time to make my major official.

Heather's help for parents

Thanks to Heather Barahona and Shahla A'lai-Rosales for these eight tips for meeting with professionals. While it's designed for parents, this can work for self-advocacy for adults, too.

1. Prepare
a. Thank the professional
b. State you are willing to actively participate
c. State how your prepared for the meeting

2. Check for Understanding
a. Summarize the professional's report
b. State related observations of your child
c. Ask for feedback from partner (if applicable)

3. Clarify
a. Ask questions or state you have no questions
b. Summarize professional's response

4. Highlight Points of Agreement
a. State appreciation for the meeting, etc.
b. Acknowledge appropriateness of the report
c. State specific area(s) of agreement

5. Identify Issues
a. State area(s) of disagreement using "I" statements
b. Acknowledge professionals concern for your child
c. Admit misunderstanding (if applicable)

6. Suggestion of Options
a. What are all the possible options?
b. How can you summarize them to show you understand?
c. What are advantages and disadvantages of each option?
d. What are the options from most to least preferred?
e. What is the most positive thing about your preferred option?

7. Decide on Action to Take
a. Who will deliver services?
b. What services are to be delivered?
c. Where will services be delivered?
d. When will services begin?
e. What time and day of week will services be delivered?
f. How long with the services need to be provided?
g. How will option be evaluated for effectiveness?
h. Who will evaluate the options for effectiveness?
i. When will option be evaluated for effectiveness?

8. Feedback and Acknowledgement
a. What did you like about the meeting?
B. Who will make the next contact?
c. When will the next contact be made?
d. How can the contact person be reached?

Overheard in the Wolfe House #16

Peggy: So, Sam, how are your new classes going?
Sam: Pretty well.
Peggy: Are they all required classes?
Sam: No, just the personal hardware class. I'm taking Linux and animation for fun.